Last week, Ferrari CEO Louis Camilleri unexpectedly announced his resignation for personal reasons following a battle with COVID-19. It's not clear why Camilleri decided to jump ship, though it does leave a rather CEO-shaped hole in the company's long-term management—that's where you come in.
We have it on good authority (hypothetically speaking, that is) that Ferrari Executive Chairman and interim CEO John Elkann is about to phone you to offer you a place at the helm. The rumor is that you'll have complete creative control over Ferrari and its decisions moving forward, and it'll be your job to make sure that Ferrari pumps out cool cars while still raking in yacht-sized boatloads of cash.
I, of course, turned down the imaginary offer since I love my time writing at The Drive so much that I simply couldn't pick up and move to Maranello. But I would be beside myself if I didn't pass along my suggestions on how to make Ferrari more appealing.
First, it's important to recognize that Ferrari is, above all things, a lifestyle brand. It's necessary for owners to appreciate the privilege of buying such a fine Italian sports car (and be annexed if they mar the company's appearance), and the public must also see the brand as high society. God forbid the public ever confuses Purosangue, the SUV, with Purosangue the charity.
I therefore propose that the company implement tiered-restrictions on ownership based on how valuable an owner is to the brand.
B-list celebrity? You can buy a 488. Tech bro billionaire? An SF90 Stradale will be flown to your house by hundreds of delivery drones painted in high-gloss Rosso Corsa. Instagram influencer? Banned for life.
Oh, and SUVs. Everyone gets to buy SUVs. In fact, every single model currently in the Ferrari lineup gets an SUV variant just so there is tons of extra money to invest in limited-run products like the Monza SP1 and SP2.
Lastly, I would be doing a disservice if I didn't talk about racing. It's no secret that the brand's image in Formula 1 has fizzled. So beginning immediately, I propose a 300-percent increase in celebratory dancing. Surely some branded cheerleading will encourage more wins.
I know that my ideas are great, but really it's about you—you will be the next CEO of Ferrari, after all. So how will you improve it?
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