This Apocalypse-Ready Lincoln Towncar Limo Can Be Yours for $4,950

Trick-or-treating just got a lot cooler this year.

Chris Minchuk on Facebook

Ever looked at a stretch limo and thought, "I bet that'd be great off-road?" Right. That didn't stop one Arizona man from turning his Lincoln Town Car limousine into a nightmare-inducing, off-road-ready machine capable of surviving a Zombie apocalypse.

From its Rustoleum bedliner paint job to its hand-grenade for a hood ornament, there's practically nothing that isn't questionable about this car, which was recently posted to Facebook Marketplace. Calling his creation "a total head-turner" that "was made for pure entertainment," his asking price is sure to entertain some, as he seeks $4,950 for this Lincoln, which by his own admission has 330,000 miles and failing shock absorbers.

Chris Minchuk on Facebook
Chris Minchuk on Facebook

How those shocks went bad will probably be apparent when you look below the car's beltline. Those 32-inch mud tires, the LED light bar, and custom radiator guard tell you everything you need to know about how this car wasn't meant to be used. With its 110-inch wheelbase, however, we imagine that it high-centered on the first blade of grass it crossed.

Chris Minchuk on Facebook

Fortunately, the listing claims this Lincoln performs alright where it belongs: on the road. Its 4.6-liter V-8 can allegedly get the car up to 70 miles per hour just fine, though it only gets 14 miles per gallon "if you're lucky," meaning you can burn through the Lincoln's 19-gallon gas tank in under four hours. Faster, presumably, if you've got the air conditioning on, as Minchuk says it works, though we're skeptical about whether it can cool the entire passenger cabin and its potential nine occupants, especially in the Arizona heat.

Maybe it's because it doesn't work as an off-roader, or maybe it's because the air conditioning is going, but it's easy to see that at least one of these is responsible for making its owner want to offload this car. Let's see whether anyone's foolish enough to pay five grand for a worse-than-stock, high-mileage Lincoln Town Car. (We kind of hope so, really.)

Chris Minchuk on Facebook