Five Cars That Belong in Michelangelo’s Garage

One will charm the Italians; another will piss ’em the heck off.

byBen KeeshinJun 28, 2019 2:01 PM

Five Cars That Belong in Michelangelo’s Garage

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Have you ever wanted to live in an artist’s pad? Koons’ penthouse? Warhol’s apartment? The Pollock-Krasner house? You’re right, you’re right—too local, too American, too modest, too new. How about Michelangelo's Tuscan villa, available for purchase for $8.5 million? At just under five-hundred years old, the villa is a testament to hardy Florentine construction and, miraculously, remained in the Buonnarroti family until the late nineteenth century. (The walls are sure to be thick with the family’s illustrious dandruff.) With eight bedrooms and seven bathrooms, each likely harboring a bidet, the Villa Michelangelo has more than enough room for guests and supplicants, plus a grand living room, in which a coffee-table book of the Sistine Chapel is de rigeur.

Most importantly, the property contains a carriage house. Here are the only autos that deserve to live inside its stony walls.

Rolls-Royce Wraith

The Rolls-Royce Wraith is one of the only cars in the world (the others are Rolls-Royces, as well) available with a “Starlight Headliner.” That’s a rich, leather surface perforated with thousands of fiber optic strands, creating the effect of a starry night. Michelangelo definitely appreciated an ornate ceiling.

Alfa Romeo 8C

The Alfa 8C is widely accepted to be more sculpture than vehicle. Sure, it’s fast and has a V8 and corners well enough, but the car’s dominant effect is visual. It’s The David of sports cars: Perfect proportions, a beguiling face.

Morgan Plus 4

Morgan is the only automaker in the game that still hand produces its frames from ash wood. That’s old-world craftsmanship at its finest. Ever seen a Renaissance Era chiffarobe? Like that.

Cadillac Escalade

There’s nothing like pissing off Europeans. Slap a fat, black Cadillac Escalade inside Michelangelo’s family home? Fait accompli, mes amis.

Volkswagen Golf Harlequin

It’s a hatchback! It’s art! Well, Kindergarten art, at least. The Golf Harlequin is what happens when Volkswagen throws all of its body panels into a bin, then blindfold factory workers ask them to affix them to frames. If not art, it’s at least a patchwork car to match Tuscany’s patchwork of fields.