Psst, Santa: We’ve Got a Better Idea for a Rockin’ Sleigh
Give the reindeer a break and take to the skies in this tech-rich, big-power compilation instead.
For hundreds of years, Santa has been getting around on a sleigh, and presumably the greatest toymaker in history has kept it updated with the best components available. SC is not an automotive enthusiast, though, so perhaps he’d humor me for a few suggestions.
First, it’s got to have a Kris Kringle-worthy powertrain with awe-inspiring horsepower–er, reindeer power–in order to zip from house to house. I have a thing for the 797-hp Dodge Challenger Hellcat Redeye. Its 650 pound-feet of torque would ensure the sleigh gets off the ground and quickly, evading little spying eyes. But really, why wouldn’t Santa be on board with an EV? The 1,000-hp GM Hummer EV would do nicely. Come to think of it, the sky panels would be a nice touch when he’s zipping through tropical countries. Shelby's Super Snake wouldn't be a bad choice, either.
No matter where he is, the dude is going to want those fantastic cup holders that toggle between keeping drinks cold or hot, like those in the Mercedes-Benz AMG GLE 53. And hear me out: he really needs to take along an assistant who can dispense iced tea or hot chocolate on demand without spilling it all over the place. Hot toddies on tap for the final leg home, of course.
Automotive artist Oscar V asked his Instagram followers what pickup Santa would drive if his sleigh broke down, and the new Ram 1500 TRX was at the top of the list. He came up with a rendering of a TRX equipped with skis on coilovers in a holiday-worthy Flame Red.
A comfortable place to sit is critical for an around-the-globe trip, and I vote for Nissan’s zero-gravity seats. These are built with 14 pressure points to prevent fatigue, and when you’ve got to stay up all night on a gift-giving bender, that’s exactly what you need.
Tesla’s giant touchscreen would be ideal to keep track of global navigation, next to a gauge cluster from a 2020 Porsche 911 Turbo to stay apprised of all the details. A UConnect system from the Ram family paired with a Mark Levinson audio system would also do nicely so he can keep the tunes rolling while he drives. The squared-off steering wheel from a new mid-engine C8 would be just right too.
In the back, he’s got to have a huge cargo area for all of those presents. A Yukon would keep him warm and dry with a cavernous back end, as would a Suburban. The 2021 Ford F-150 has the advantage of a big truck bed, multiple tie-down points, and the onboard generator to charge up some batteries before delivery.
Clearly, it has to be Mazda's Soul Red Crystal Metallic on the outside. For a final touch, hear me out: 1958 DeSoto Fireflite triple taillights. I'm also a fan of this Nissan Skyline R32 taillight mod. And then finish it off with '59 Chevrolet Impala fins for style.
Are we forgetting anything? Weigh in. We still have time to get it to the shop.
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