Hillary Clinton’s Oldsmobile Cutlass Is for Sale
Don't worry, GOP committees are already investigating the service records.
Maybe this will help the high-flying former Secretary of State with her folksiness: Hillary Clinton's old car is for sale, and it's a 1986 Oldsmobile Cutlass. You know, like the car your grandmother used to drive before she discovered Mercedes-Benzes. A former White House gardener—whose name is, no kidding, Mike Lawn—bought the 30-year-old Cutlass five years ago at an auction. (Wait—what else was sold at the 2000 White House auction? We need to know. Somebody Google this for us.) Though he originally intended to give the Olds to his daughter for her 16th birthday, she was confounded by the Olds' old-fashioned features, like manual windows, and the "Oldsmobile" badge.
This HRC-owned model sports two notable if unremarkable features—a mere 32,000 miles on the odometer thanks to the car having remained off the road for the majority of the past twenty years, and a "[Bill] Clinton for Governor '90" sticker on the rear window—and one special one: because the car was never re-titled, Hillary Clinton's signature still stands on the registration papers.
Lawn has decided to sell the car due to Clinton's current front-runner status, hoping that the car's newsworthiness will up the asking price. The pair of sunglasses he found the glove compartment is not included, though the car does come complete with many cushions between which might lurk evidence of some devastating scandal—catnip to the many Republican special sub-committees who've been hard at work since the mid-Nineties. Heads up, eBay buyer K_Starr46.