5 Animals the New Tesla Model S Resembles
It’s not a fake Apple Car rendering, but we can do blatant click-bait, too.
Have you not had your fill of glassy-eyed, full-slobber coverage of Tesla Motors? Did this, this, this, this and this strike you as shallow devotion to the Palo Alto-based electric car company? Well, son, do we have a listicle for you! In full-throated, hoo-rah celebration of the minor refresh Tesla has just revealed for the Model S, we present with pride and incisive journalistic eye: five mammals that look like the new Tesla Model S. With Elon Musk whipping the internet into a frenzy, every day is Tesla Day!
With some resurfacing, the brand's already handsome saloon has become a properly-rejuvenated electric sex whale. It's sleek, shiny and—shorn of its functionless black-plastic grill cover—now wears nought beneath the nose but a trim, black mustache; it's like a plump, French aristocrat. Does that comparison not work for you? With hands clasped in reverent glee, we present five choices that may be more to your liking.
Fantastic Mr. Fox
As voiced by George Clooney and animated into clay-heavy action by Lord knows how many agile hands, the eponymous Mr. Fox from the film adaptation of Roald Dahl's classic story is a slinky, quick-witted beast moving at unbelievable speed between lumbering species possessed of none of his intellect. His shrewd face is capped with a smart, black nose not so different from the Tesla's. It's a pity Wes Anderson is so dedicated to the past, or the Tesla might even have made a cameo.
While many refuse to recognize the Platypus as a terrestrial beast, it does in fact live on the earth. As the only billed, egg-laying mammal, the Platypus occupies a very special position between two genres. Might the half-car, half-rocket Tesla Model S feel the Platypus' pain? Perhaps. The only thing we know for sure is that the aquatic beast's shiny, lightly-nostrilled bill inspired the Tesla's new nose.
More than his thousands of works, including a glass-floored castle and the design of the Chupa-Chups label, Salvador Dali is known for his razor-sharp mustache. Clearly, Tesla's designers were struck by the artist's lip-adornment, and stole it for their car.
Whale Shark (Mouth Closed)
With its mouth closed, a giant Whale Shark is a dead ringer for the updated Model S. But with its maw gaping? No way. Not at all. That's just silly, to be honest.
Like the Platypus, John Waters is an incredibly rare breed of mammal, rarely making excursions beyond his native habitat of Baltimore. Still, his pencil mustache is known nationwide for its slimness and striking blackness—just the ticket for Tesla's refreshed sedan. How astute: Elon knew that screening Cry-Baby every day for his employees (note: confirmation needed) would someday bear fruit.