Volkswagen Sold More Sausages Than Cars Last Year

Yes, really.

There’s nothing suspect about the foul emissions related to these Volkswagen products. German news agency DPA reports that sales of Volkswagen-brand currywurst outpaced sales of VW vehicles in 2015.

“Currywurst?” you say. “Ain’t that some kind of commie hot dog?” You’d be right if Comrade Khrushchev had pushed into Lower Saxony, where Volkswagen produces its delectable sausages in staggering volumes. In 2015, VW pumped 7.2 million casings with emulsified beef, pork and various uncategorizable offcuts, according to DPA. Meantime, VW sold 5.82 million of its house-brand vehicles worldwide.

Granted, even before a diesel-emissions scandal roiled Volkswagen’s guts, VWs were being outsold by their weenie counterparts. In 2014, some 6.3 million currywurst were shipped, compared to 6.12 million VWs. But when a company installs cheat software on 11 million of its diesel-powered vehicles, dupes governmental regulators, sends inscrutable messages to TDI owners, and—oh yeah—endangers the public’s health, it comes in for some real talk. And more real talk.

Volkswagen Group is still a big bully (not Bulli) on the block, with 9.93 million vehicles sold globally in 2015, just behind Toyota’s 10.08 million. Indeed, its key attribute to surviving the Dieselgate scandal may be its diversified product portfolio. Audi, Porsche, Bentley, Skoda, Seat, Bugatti, Lamborghini, MAN, Scania and Ducati contributed 4 million unit sales in 2015 toward the group’s robust result. You know what else chipped in? Weenies.

By the by, Volkswagen’s ketchup division also had a good year, producing 608,000 kilograms of the red stuff, up from 537,000 in 2014. Currywurst and ketchup go beautifully together. The public’s trust and a vile deception do not.