Morgan 3-Wheeler Versus Mercedes-AMG G63: A Very Biased Comparison

The Harvey Weinstein of SUVs meets the U.K.’s best/worst car.

byAlex Roy| UPDATED Feb 7, 2019 5:13 AM
Morgan 3-Wheeler Versus Mercedes-AMG G63: A Very Biased Comparison

The list of cars "defeated" by my Cannonball record-setting Morgan 3-Wheeler is getting longer by the week: the Porsche 911, the Ford Mustang GT, the e-Moke, the Land Rover Series 1, and the Vanderhall Venice. But just when I thought the only thing that could defeat it was another Morgan 3-Wheeler, Germany came back for a rematch. This past weekend, I was handed the keys to a giant, overly-powerful Mercedes-AMG G63—which, in my opinion, is basically the Harvey Weinstein of SUVs—and a true battle was on.

Or was it? 

Seriously, what was the Mercedes's owner thinking? The G63 is a terrible vehicle by any measure. Even if it's working perfectly, there is literally nothing good about the venerable G-wagen, except as a symbol. A symbol of bad taste, bad judgment, and disposable income better spent on countless other cars.

Which makes it the perfect opponent to my Morgan 3-Wheeler...except in the taste department. Who wouldn't want a Morgan? Only someone who enjoys paying for sex and wants to make enemies. Every Morgan—even a rusted shell sans engine and wheels—is a delightful conversation piece and invitation to the nearest dinner party. Every G-wagen? Ugh. Groucho Marx once said he didn't want to belong to any club that would have him. The G63 is how you get there.

What happens when the G63—so generously reviewed in G65 form by one of my colleagues at The Drive—faces off against my Morgan? Exactly what you think. The events of 1945 are not avenged; once again, the U.K. demonstrates why numbers and specs don't matter, the English make better music, and quality is more important than quantity. Actually, I take that back. Quality doesn't matter either, because no one cares.

Enjoy the slaughter:

Alex Roy is Editor-at-Large for The Drive, Host of The Autonocast, co-host of /DRIVE on NBC Sports and author of The Driver, has set numerous endurance driving records in Europe & the USA in the internal combustion, EV, 3-wheeler & Semi-Autonomous Classes, including the infamous Cannonball Run record. You can follow him on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.