Please, Watch How Queen Elizabeth Rolls

One hand on the wheel, two eyes on the prize.

byBen Keeshin|
Please, Watch How Queen Elizabeth Rolls

Technically, the Queen of England owns 6.6 billion acres of land. That includes the entirety of Britain, Northern Ireland, the Falklands, much of Canada and parts of Australia. (Sorry, Sheilas.) Such are the strange terms of the British Commonwealth. It’s good fodder for hip-hop braggadocio: ten young men died of old age trying to walk my lands, or the like. Pity Elizabeth’s rap career never got off the ground.

She’s certainly got the whip for it. Range Rovers are baller, and everyone knows real OGs drive themselves. We might advise an upgrade to the eyewear—Elizabeth II sporting wire-rim transition lenses?—but everything else is spot on. Her left hand is up, to keep the jewels visible; her jaw is set, so folks know that she’s rough. The single pearl stud says, Cross me, and I’ll turn your farm into a storage yard for my extra pantyhose.

In this photo, The Queen is using her Rover as a mobile viewing box at the Royal Windsor Horse Show. But that look—that look means something. Her Majesty would like to go for a real drive cross-country or even, as the case may be, cross-empire. Yes, the sun sets on the British Empire. Queen Elizabeth has over six billion reasons not to give one royal damn.