Watch What Happens When a Bicycle Crossing Turns Into a Spontaneous Commando Kidnapping

Mother Russia, you never fail to impress....

Russian Road Rage

This a world of dashcams, cellphone cameras and an impulse culture that permits bad behavior. So you are bound to catch some pretty bizarre stuff, especially if you reside in Russia, where 99.9% of the things that happen are objectively unnerving. Take a bicyclist crossing a street, for instance. In the US, this is a common enough phenomenon. In Russia, it is a most egregious incitement.

This dashcam video begins after a wayward bicyclist crosses paths with a Porsche Cayenne stuck in traffic. The Porsche comes screeching to a halt, the driver exits and aggressively confronts the seemingly innocent bicyclist (seemingly: is anyone in Russian truly innocent?). Amidst the looming violence of the back-and-forth, a white Land Cruiser approaches from behind and honks its horn. So naturally, the Cayenne's passenger exits and tries to pull the Land Cruiser's driver from his vehicle.

All of this is normal. Two fights are in full swing in less than 10 seconds.

Then it gets weird. A black van locks its brakes behind the Toyota, and three men wearing body armor and carrying assault rifles exit a black van and move fast, like operators, scaring the shit out of everyone, grabbing all parties involved, piling them into the van, and driving away. Are they cops? Robbers? Super spies? No one knows—especially not the bicyclist, who somehow escaped.

When in Russia, never leave your car. Ever.