Former F1 Driver Joins the Sex Toy Industry

Perhaps seeking the thrill he left behind after a brief Formula 1 career, Dutch driver Robert Doornbos, formerly of Red Bull Racing, has founded Kiiroo, a company that makes sex toys. But, because a former racing driver never really loses his appetite for the dynamic and the satisfaction of control-by-wire, the sex toys that Kiiroo produces are interactive. They are even, in fact, remote-controllable and meant to be used by partners to mitigate, well, loneliness; via Internet connection, the Kiiroos system allows far-flung sex partners to “feel each other’s touch.” The technology is called “Teledildonics” and God-willing, you will never again see that word in print.

For the lonelier among the libidinous, the toys can also be synchronized with the pornography that Kiiroos sells on its website. All the necessary buzzes and wiggles are synchronized to the “narrative,” if different angles of human-orifice interaction may be so-called. Because wires might strangle in the heat of the cyber-moment, all communication is done through Bluetooth and Wi-Fi. (Looking to truly horrify an unsuspecting set of Bose wireless speakers?) Passcode protection is standard on every device, so that no curious intruder can experience the whirring, silicone-facilitated touch of your distant lover.

How quickly the world has tired of sexting. Or maybe F1 just really is that boring now.