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Okay, everyone—it’s Choose Your Own Adventure time!
You’re a late-middle-age man cruising along on your dirt bike in the Hollister Hills, enjoying yet another day of picturesque California weather. Suddenly, you spot a helmet lying on the trail in front of you. You start to slow down, only to hear somebody crying out up the hill to your left. Crying for help.
You hop off the bike, drop your kickstand, and dash up the rise—only to find another middle-aged man pinned beneath his all-terrain vehicle! It’s on his legs, trapping him between the frame and the ground. He’s afraid. Panicking. You talk to him in a calm voice, trying to help him relax a bit. He says you need to lift the tires so he can wiggle out from beneath the ATV. But you have a bad back, and those four-wheel-drive quads like the one on top of him weigh 700 pounds. You don’t know if you’re strong enough.
Do you:
A. Push and pull the ATV with every ounce of your strength, hoping that you can free this poor stranger before you get a hernia and require medical help yourself?
B. Ride your dirt bike up to him, use your shirt as a makeshift tow strap, and use low gear to pull the four-wheeler off him?
C. Grab a few rotten logs and place them next to the victim so he can wedge them beneath the ATV, then slowly jacking it up until he can escape?
D. Draw your trusty Colt Single Action Army revolver, say a prayer, and put him out of his misery?
(Hint: The answer is obviously not D.)