New Jersey Police Searching for Driveway-Defecating Car Burglar

Footage of the suspect wearing a hoodie, backpack, and fanny pack was captured by the home security system of one of the victims and shared by the North Plainfield Police Department via Facebook. According to authorities, the security footage depicts the subject doing his duty on a driveway around 2:27 a.m. on Sunday, May 27, though video of the act itself was not published. Afterward, the suspect attempted to force entry into multiple vehicles and was eventually successful, managing to get into a car around 3:42 a.m. the same morning.

Authorities request that anyone with information on the suspect shares it. When contacted by The Drive, the North Plainfield Police Department declined to provide an update to the story.

Unsavory news of this sort has made the papers several times thus far in 2018. Earlier this year, a flight from Chicago to Hong Kong was grounded after a passenger soiled multiple of the plane's lavatories with their own feces, wiping it "everywhere" inside the bathrooms. Down south, and on the ground, a train traveling with ten million pounds of human waste spent more than two months cooped up in an Alabama rail yard and was the butt of the joke of many an online news outlet.

As unpleasant as it may have been, we almost wish we had the full video of the New Jersey burglar—with commentary, of course. Humor's a good way to deal with shock, no?