The Drive’s Spring Suiting Guide
There is nothing in the world more important that encasing your flatulent jelly parts in the correct garment.
Nothing is more important than a suit, the two- or three-piece garment in which people encase themselves to guard against the world’s arrows. Nothing. Sure, we are all but lily-livered jelly-beings subject to the tempests of our own emotions and regular outside insult. But wrapped in rightly-cut bolts of cotton, wool or silk, our gelatinous limbs take form—our heads hold themselves a touch higher. In a suit, a pear-shaped fellow takes on the silhouette of a proud Red Delicious; beneath a well-structured jacket, a man with no pep in his step is transformed into a high-kicking business acrobat. Synergy, acquisition, dividends—tailored to fit! For all the lumpy fruits and sluggish broads out there, we’ve slapped together this season’s supreme suit guide.