Two years ago, Russian tuning house Larte Design unveiled the Mercedes-Benz GL Black Crystal to introduce itself to the U.S. marketplace. For this year’s Geneva Motor Show, the Muscovites have stuck with that theme, but gone downscale with the canvas and upscale with the artwork. Meet the Mercedes V-Class Black Crystal.
The exterior is where this hauler earns its name, with an all-around bodykit drenched in metallic slate and two gems placed in the tweaked front fascia. For the interior, Larte sought the help of German luxury outfitters Klassen, who installed what looks like a line item on a Staple’s receipt: Business Office MVD_1297. It turns the rear quarters into a four-seater “private jet for the road,” decked out in triple beige, full of leather and alcantara and marble-print trim. The four seats recline, all the better to enjoy the 32-inch flatscreen, Alpine stereo, and minibar. A rear partition and side curtains keep matters private, a biometric safe keeps your rubles and German bearer bonds unmolested, retractable tables and hidden power outlets will keep your Bitcoin operation running smoothly and round-the-clock. Below the seats are drawers for storing things of a certain nature, and above there’s what Klassen calls a “Maybach Sky Lightning Daylight Ceiling” to shower the lumens everywhere—an invention that, as far as we can tell, the actual Maybach has never heard of. There’s even some trunk space behind the capsule, but if you’re going to be hauling Goyard trunks and ammo boxes you’ll want a second Larte van.
We can smell the caviar just looking at the pictures, but we’re eager to romance this stone in Geneva. Nothing we’ve seen of late is a better way to make the statement, “Opulence, I has it.”