Automotive Gifts for Weirdos
Don't forget the outcasts this holiday season.
The Pilgrims in Bethlehem invented Black Friday 3,000 years ago so that Americans would finally start embracing consumerism, or something. Let's honor their memory by keeping this joyous shopping tradition alive.
You probably have a good handle on what to get the norms in your life... socks and fancy cheese baskets... but here's a brief guide of auto-themed gifts for the creeps and weirdos you know.
Fancy Tire Thumper: Do you have a flamboyantly-attired friend in the long-haul trucking industry who spends countless days on the road hauling machine parts and dry goods while a silk top hat rests jauntily on his head? Of course you do. The dandy trucker in your life will never again suffer the indignity of having to conceal a plain and unstylish tire thumper under his bespoke velvet tailcoat once you get him this hand-crafted beauty from Vintage Gold's eBay store. Whether checking the air pressure on his rig's many wheels or turning a rapscallion's head into a fine red mist, this splendid tool will do the job so fast his monocle will pop out!
Rubber Tire Spikes: Crazy Uncle Mitch hates it when motorists use his driveway to turn around. It's vehicular trespassing! But shooting at their cars with rock salt just isn't fun since all those lawsuits. Put his misanthropic mind at ease with these realistic-looking rubber tire spikes. A couple of these on the end of a driveway will keep hooligans and ne'er-do-wells far away. Plus, they won't actually damage tires, so those mean big-city lawyers will finally leave him alone.
Comically Oversized Rims: Just because your elderly neighbor smells of cat urine and thinks you're her dead husband doesn't mean her beige Plymouth Reliant shouldn't rock some pimping rims. Treat her to a set of 26-inch chromed beauties worth far more than the car itself. She'll appreciate how much easier it is to get in and out, now that the driver's seat is an extra foot off the ground. Sure, braking and accelerating might suffer, but she only drives three miles per hour to that church down the block, so what's the harm?