Happy Thanksgiving from The Drive

Now here’s our recipe for broiling the bird.

byBen Keeshin| PUBLISHED Nov 26, 2015 5:00 PM
Happy Thanksgiving from The Drive

Perhaps the most pleasant annual argument families have at has do with the Thanksgiving centerpiece—that big (or medium, or small) roasted (or deep-fried, or smoked) turkey (or turducken, or Tofurkey). Yes, just as most American families besides the Clintons and Bushes can’t come to a unanimous decision on a presidential candidate, every clan squabbles over what to cook, and how to cook it. Cousin Emily wants a turkey-shaped tofu lump roasted for hours at 275°. Cousin Scott doesn’t understand why a nice trophy salmon can’t sit center-table among a bed of kale. Grandma Rose feels similarly, except she’d replace the fish with a handle of Bombay Sapphire and a jar of olives.

While we all have our own personal tastes, professionally-speaking, we endorse only one option: Flame-broiling a Butterball via Lamborghini Aventador LP-760. Here, the “chef,” may he be so called, uses a pitchford to piece the turkey’s breast and suspend the bird just aft of the Lambo’s fat central exhaust. That looks right. Potatoes, greens, stuffing—all are immaterial with a supercar around. Folks might complain about the hydrocarbon shellacking their drumstick. You can call that Italian Seasoning.