Jeff Gordon NASCAR Edition Pop-Tart on eBay for $10,000

Yes, this is really happening. 

eBay/lonewolftreasures

If you’re looking to spend grotesque, unforgivable amounts of money on idiotic and/or strange items, the Internet has got you covered. Here, for example, is a weathervane in the shape of Donald Trump’s head that costs more than a solid used car. There’s also this Bambi t-shirt, priced roughly in lockstep with the average American’s monthly rent. And, now, you can spend $10,000 on a Jeff Gordon Pop-Tart.

To clarify: This is not a Pop-Tart that Jeff Gordon autographed. Nor is it a Pop-Tart that Jeff Gordon nibbled on, realized was gross strawberry instead of awesome s’mores, then decided not to finish. No, this is a Jeff Gordon-themed Pop-Tart from a “limited-edition” run of branded NASCAR treats released in 2008 and last sold in 2011, making it not only an unappealing promotional item but also probably unappealing to put in your mouth.

"As a frequent consumer of Pop-Tarts, I have to think that consuming a five-year old product from an opened package will be a disappointment," says Andrew D. Clarke, a P.h.D. and associate professor at the University of Missouri's Food Science Program. 

"In this case, toaster pastries are unlikely to present any food safety issues, even when well beyond the intended sell-by or use-by date. One might not want to consume it if there is some mysterious mold on the product, but the main risk may be chipping a tooth when biting into the pastry."

Still, the seller of eBay item 111938394614, a.k.a. JEFF GORDON #24 HENDRICK MOTORSPORTS NASCAR LIMITED EDITION POP-TART INTACT, remains undeterred. She justifies the pricing thusly:

"I know the $10,000 buy it now is off the charts crazy but hey, I figure if someone paid $28,000.00 for the Virgin Mary likeness in a grilled cheese sandwich then I am absolutely convinced someone will buy this Pop-Tart for 10 grand! LOL LOL"

Can’t argue with that logic.

The seller then goes on to explain her Jeff Gordon “omen” by way of a (nearly intelligible) theory involving the Daytona 500, Irish punk rock band Dropkick Murphys, her teenage son, and the 2004 Boston Red Sox. None of this has to do with Pop-Tarts, or why somebody would $10,000 for this one, but is still pretty entertaining. So, you know. Whatever.

In case you don’t have ten grand to lay down for an expired breakfast pasty whose icing is smeared in a NASCAR-related pattern, financing is available. But, somehow, monthly installments of $481 for two entire years actually makes it sound worse. At least shipping is only $10. No returns. Thanks for looking.