I Bought Elon Musk's Boring Company Flamethrower and You Can Too
The company has sold over $5 million in flamethrowers so far.
I'd like you to look me in the eye and say that you wouldn't do the exact same thing that I just did; I bought a flamethrower. Not just any flamethrower, but one being sold by Tesla CEO Elon Musk as part of a fundraising campaign for one of his many side projects that (once again) proves he is an evil genius.
Let's recap on some of the crazy stuff the business man has done in his lifetime. After dropping out of Stanford and finding millions by co-founding PayPal, he decided that making electric cars was the way to go. Not overly dubious of an idea (but I digress), this was only the tip of the proverbial ice berg. Next, he defined a set of "master plans" regarding his company's success, which raised a few eyebrows despite the goodhearted intentions of the text.
In 2012 came SpaceX, founded on the idea that Space transportation wasn't just for the government and uber-wealthy, and that humans can totally live on Mars. If that didn't seem absurd enough, maybe his next venture will. Bring in The Boring Company. Musk founded this particular venture was founded because California traffic just plan drove him nuts. Public transportation should be an accommodation for all, and the way it's going to happen is with ultra-fast tunnels.
The problem is, digging those tunnels isn't exactly cheap. In fact, it costs the Boring Company $250 million to send its boring robot, Godot, on a one mile escapade. So how will the company fund its costs? The first idea was something super simple: hats. But at $20 per lid, the company would need to sell over 12 million of them to tunnel for a mile. Obviously the company needed a better idea, and they certainly found one.
At $500, Musk has vowed to sell off 20,000 units which would raise $10 million in revenue, or enough money to dig a tunnel about 211.2 feet long. Needless to say, I had to have one for reasons, so I jumped onto the "first 1,000" train and dropped $500 of my hard earned dollar on something that I have absolutely no practical use for. As of this afternoon, Musk confirmed that at least
7,000 10,000 units have been sold, meaning that the company sold at least $5 million in flamethrowers.
After taking to Instagram to show the more timid setting of the flamethrower (and a more intense one), Musk continued to post all over social media to entice potential suckers like me. Popular YouTuber Marques Brownlee (MKBHD) Tweeted at Musk to raise concerns regarding the legality of the fundraising campaign. Musk, however, assures the internet that the flamethrower is "A-ok" with the Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco Firearms and Explosives, as the business end of the flamethrower spits out a distance of less than ten feet.
Musk's (or should we say Hank Scorpio) evil plan is working. A bunch of us seriously went out and bought these little gadgets for whatever reason; whether it be to support the Boring Company's efforts, fill the Musk-shaped hole in a fanboy's heart, or just because it's ridiculous. Some people are already selling them on eBay for over $3,000, despite them still being for sale on the company's website. I just can't wait to get mine in the spring.
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