Critics' Notebook: Mercedes-Benz AMG GT-S
A thrilling sports car that somehow fails to arouse.
The Mercedes-Benz AMG GT-S may be an aggressive, sculpted, phallic two seat sports car, but despite multiple tries I’m still not that into it. (Please don’t pillory me.) Sure, it’s a raucous and outrageous piece of machinery, and it's not that I dislike bruisers—though believe me, this thing is a bruiser almost in the Viper mold—it’s just that I prefer just about every other vehicle in the category over this one. That includes cars like the Porsche 911 and event the Chevrolet Corvette; those cars have a solid identity and know what they’re supposed to do, even if that mission is “provide enhancement for emasculated orthodontists.”
The GT, despite its name, is not a Grand Tourer. It’s far too stiff, and loud, and—despite its comely bubble butt, by far its best asset—relatively scant in the cargo department. Also, hard seats, which put a severe limit on the grandness of one’s tour, unless one has extra padding back there from overeating on said tour, in which case one is also shit out of luck because the seats are also narrow. Over-ample hindquarters are not a problem I deal with, personally, but if you’re cross-shopping this vehicle, it might be. Rich and gluttonous pair like Riesling and swordfish.
Above all these complaints is the way the thing looks. I understand the desire to place the engine behind the axle, but really, why so much nose? I felt like I was driving a 737 from atop the commode in the back of coach. (Though this cabin did smell much better.) This is one of the rare vehicles that looks better in photos than it does in real life.
Some cars you want to fuck. Some you want to marry. I don’t even really want to date the GT-S. If it’s your type, please, have at it.
Mercedes-Benz AMG GT-S
Price (as tested): $130,825 ($154,400)
Powertrain: 4.0 Liter twin-turbo V-8, 503 hp / 479 lb-ft
0-60 mph: 3.0 seconds
Top speed: 193 m.p.h.
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