---
title: "17 Cures for Carmakers’ New Year Hangovers"
description: "Bitter medicine, doled out in acrid little spoonfuls."
date: "2015-12-30"
modified: "2015-12-30"
authors:
  - name: "Brett Berk"
    link: "https://www.thedrive.com/authors/brett-berk"
url: "https://www.thedrive.com/new-cars/1471/17-cures-for-carmakers-new-year-hangovers"
categories:
  - "Car Reviews"
tags:
  - "Roundup"
---

# 17 Cures for Carmakers’ New Year Hangovers

![](<https://www.thedrive.com/wp-content/uploads/images-by-url-td/content/archive-images/carmakersresolutions_hero_3.jpg>)
*\<em\>www.thedrive.com</em>*

As wonderful as we may believe ourselves to be, there is always room for improvement. This is why humans invented shaming mechanisms like dressing-room mirrors, psychiatry and, of course, New Year’s resolutions. And since automakers lack all those things, *The Drive* decided to write some resolutions for them. Here's hoping we all do a little better in 2016.

![carmakersresolutions\_cadillac\_art.jpg](<https://www.thedrive.com/wp-content/uploads/content/archive-images/carmakersresolutions_cadillac_art.jpg>)

**Cadillac**: Move to a cool, creative, resurgent American city. Like... Detroit?

![carmakersresolutions\_subaruviziv\_art.jpg](<https://www.thedrive.com/wp-content/uploads/content/archive-images/carmakersresolutions_subaruviziv_art.jpg>)

**Subaru**: What were our New Year’s resolutions from, like, 2012, 2013, 2014, and 2015? We should do those again.

![carmakersresolutions\_matthewmcconaugheylincoln\_art.jpg](<https://www.thedrive.com/wp-content/uploads/content/archive-images/carmakersresolutions_matthewmcconaugheylincoln_art.jpg>)

**Lincoln**: Learn Chinese. Buy lipstick for pig.

![carmakersresolutions\_infinitiqx30\_art.jpg](<https://www.thedrive.com/wp-content/uploads/content/archive-images/carmakersresolutions_infinitiqx30_art.jpg>)

**Infiniti**: Learn English. Or, teach the rest of the world Quechua.

![carmakersresolutions\_lexushoverboard\_art.jpg](<https://www.thedrive.com/wp-content/uploads/content/archive-images/carmakersresolutions_lexushoverboard_art.jpg>)
**Lexus**

**Lexus**: Fire trainer. Fire aesthetician. Fire plastic surgeon. Fire rhinoplastologist. Fire dermatologist. Fire stylist. Build hoverboards.

![carmakersresolutions\_mercedesconcept\_art.jpg](<https://www.thedrive.com/wp-content/uploads/content/archive-images/carmakersresolutions_mercedesconcept_art.jpg>)

**Mercedes**: World domination. Again.

![carmakersresolutions\_miniclubman\_art.jpg](<https://www.thedrive.com/wp-content/uploads/content/archive-images/carmakersresolutions_miniclubman_art.jpg>)

**Mini**: [Diet](<https://www.thedrive.com/new-cars/1440/mini-clubman-is-largest-mini-ever-and-one-of-the-best>).

![carmakersresolutions\_scionconceptsema\_art.jpg](<https://www.thedrive.com/wp-content/uploads/content/archive-images/carmakersresolutions_scionconceptsema_art.jpg>)

**Scion**: Rebrand as YO! Like, we’re the YO in ToYOta. So YOung and YOuthful! Hire Ed Lover to promote.

![carmakersresolutions\_panamera\_art.jpg](<https://www.thedrive.com/wp-content/uploads/content/archive-images/carmakersresolutions_panamera_art.jpg>)

**Porsche**: Count money.

![carmakersresolutions\_tesla\_art.jpg](<https://www.thedrive.com/wp-content/uploads/content/archive-images/carmakersresolutions_tesla_art.jpg>)
**Daniel Acker/Bloomberg via Getty Images**

**Tesla**: Enact 2011 New Year’s resolutions, just on time, exactly as planned.

![carmakersresolutions\_lotus\_art.jpg](<https://www.thedrive.com/wp-content/uploads/content/archive-images/carmakersresolutions_lotus_art.jpg>)
**Marwan Naamani/AFP/Getty Images**

**Lotus**: Not [that much](<https://www.motorsport.com/f1/news/renault-paid-just-1-to-buy-lotus-f1-team-664965/>) lightness.

![carmakersresolutions\_astonmartin\_art.jpg](<https://www.thedrive.com/wp-content/uploads/content/archive-images/carmakersresolutions_astonmartin_art.jpg>)

**Aston Martin**: Consider capitalizing on James Bond connection.

![carmakersresolutions\_acura\_art.jpg](<https://www.thedrive.com/wp-content/uploads/content/archive-images/carmakersresolutions_acura_art.jpg>)

**Acura**: Pray that [this](<https://www.thedrive.com/new-cars/1390/can-this-new-concept-save-acura>) is an Integra.

![carmakersresolutions\_smart\_art.jpg](<https://www.thedrive.com/wp-content/uploads/content/archive-images/carmakersresolutions_smart_art.jpg>)
**Martin Leissl/Bloomberg via Getty Images**

**Smart**: Pills, or seppuku?

![carmakersresolutions\_dieselgate\_art.jpg](<https://www.thedrive.com/wp-content/uploads/content/archive-images/carmakersresolutions_dieselgate_art.jpg>)
**Sean Gallup/Getty Images**

**VW**: We turned Hitler’s hooptie into a symbol of the counterculture. Hitler. You really think we can’t beat this emissions-hacking terrorism?

![carmakersresolutions\_rollsroycedawn\_art.jpg](<https://www.thedrive.com/wp-content/uploads/content/archive-images/carmakersresolutions_rollsroycedawn_art.jpg>)

**Rolls-Royce**: Resolutions? How gauche.

![carmakersresolutions\_chrysler\_art.jpg](<https://www.thedrive.com/wp-content/uploads/content/archive-images/carmakersresolutions_chrysler_art.jpg>)
**Bob D'Olivo/The Enthusiast Network/Getty Images**

**Chrysler**: Build a car.

### Author social links