--- title: "Help, I Got Stuck In a Snowbank At My In-Laws" date: "2022-11-24" modified: "2022-11-24" authors: - name: "Jonathon Klein" job_title: "Contributor" link: "https://www.thedrive.com/authors/jonathon-klein" url: "https://www.thedrive.com/guides-and-gear/stuck-in-snow" categories: - "Cars 101" - "News" - "The Garage" --- # Help, I Got Stuck In a Snowbank At My In-Laws ![]() *\Aaron Segal\* **Help!** Wait, you’re real? I thought you were just a figment of my imagination [circa 2015](). **You thought I was a hallucination?** Honestly, yeah. The early 2010s were a trip and you absolutely could’ve been part of that. But since you’re not, what’s up? ![]() **I’m stuck in a snowbank.** That doesn’t sound too bad. **In front of my in-laws’ house.** Before or after the visit? **After.** And after you told them to get bent for pressuring you about spawning more offspring in the hopes of building out a basketball starting roster for your mother-in-law to aggressively coach into a D1 team? **How do you always know these things?** I implanted a subdermal transponder and microphone into your head. Moving on. **Well, I was backing out of the driveway, railing against them to my significant other when an icy patch pulled me into the snow bank.** Always watch out for the icy patch. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0LonzFUbMlY **Now I’m stuck.** Asking for help is out of the question given what you said. Seriously, you need to only let Aussies say that word. **It was a heated discussion!** It was in reference to your mother-in-law's elderly aunt. **I will not apologize to Aunt Dotty!** Well, you’re SOL on the help aspect, so let’s get you unstuck before your father-in-law begins laughing in your face. **Thank you.** Look around the car for supplies. **I’m not sure what I’m looking for?** Kitty litter? **No.** A winch? **No.** A flamethrower? **Why would I have a flamethrower?** Have you never watched John Carpenter’s The Thing? ![]() **That’s a movie.** You say movie, I say film proving the use cases of every-day-carrying a flamethrower. **No one should sell you a flamethrower.** And yet, Elon did! OK, so we’re gonna have to do this the old-fashioned way. **What’s the old-fashioned way?** Succumb to frostbite and eat your partner. **We left the cranberry sauce in the house.** Well, then this recipe doesn’t work. **I was joking!** …as…was…I? **So how do I get this Subaru Crosstrek unstuck?** You would drive a Subaru Crosstrek. **It’s a fine automobile.** I’m sure it is for you fancy Vermonters. **I’ll have you know I’m from Connecticut!** Same difference. But OK, OK, let’s get on with this. First, you’ll need to get out of the car. And yes, I know they’re watching. **I’ll never live this down.** Ha, yeah, you absolutely won’t. **OK, I’m out of the car. Now what?** Take a deep breath and throw yourself into the snow bank. https://www.tiktok.com/@extremeofficial/video/7050899116661951750?is_from_webapp=v1&item_id=7050899116661951750 **What?!** You’ll never live this down, might as well bury yourself in the snow. Your significant partner will move on. They’ll remarry. Your in-laws will love them a lot more than you. Win-win. **How is that a win-win?** Did I not just explain this? **I’m not jumping into a snowbank never to be seen again.** They’ll find you come spring. **Help me get this car out of the bank, please.** Fine. Which tires are stuck? **Looks like the back left is off the driveway and into the grass. And the back right is packed up with snow.** OK, so do you have anything to use as a shovel? ![]() **Do you mean like this shovel?** How do you have a shovel in your Connecticutonian Subaru Crosstrek but not a flamethrower? **We’re known as Connecticuters and consumer shovels are more common than consumer flamethrowers.** Connecticuters? Really? [**Yes**]()**.** Our world is deeply flawed. **You’re telling me. I mean, I’m getting help from you**! You know I could tell Aunt Dotty what you said about her. **So?** And give her your phone number. **You wouldn’t.** (*laughs in FAQ helper voice*) **I’m sorry.** You should be for saying all those things about Aunt Dotty. **OK, so I have the shovel, what next?** Start by digging out the rear tires until you see the pavement. ![]() **Ugh.** Your father-in-law is outside with a beer laughing at you? **Seriously, stop doing that, it’s creepy. But yeah.** Never. It’s OK, you’ll be free of his driveway’s icy clutches soon enough. Just don’t… **(*Screaming*)** …engage. Why did you just say that to him? **Because he had it coming!** I’m cutting off your access to Dark Reddit. **But where will I learn about all the evil cabals and fun swear words?** You know, I like it more when I was the unhinged lunatic in this relationship. **Yeah, me too.** We’ll deal with that fallout later, but have you shoveled clear the rear tires? **It’s done.** Then it’s time. **Time for what?** To bring out the flamethrower! (*invisibly motions like Yosemite Sam with a flamethrower*) **I still don’t have one.** Why haven’t you ordered one already?! **Where would I even find one?** Amazon. **Seriously?** [Seriously](). ![]() **AP Photo/Cliff Owen* AP Images* **Are supervillains real?** I mean, I’m definitely not cultivating a pool of giant cyberpunk sharks that can hack the grid and shoot lasers out of their gills. Nope, not me. **What sort of sharks?** Thresher sharks. Wait! **Ha, gotcha.** **Now, what’s next?** OK, I’m going to need you to get back in your car. **Done, now what.** Time to channel your inner Vin Diesel. **The guy who sells Street Sharks?** [You know it! ]() **Do you work for Discovery Channel or something with all this shark talk?** Don't you dare associate me with them. **I feel like there's a backstory here.** (Grumbles) But you’re going to want to grab the shifter, drop it into *reverse*, and channel all that family rage into the gas pedal. Now hit it! ![]() **(Indistinct whirring)** What happened? **We moved a little, but my father-in-law is now sitting in a lawn chair laughing.** Well, that can’t stand. Drop it into drive and gas it again! And wiggle the wheel as you do so, that might just help. **Ahhhhhhhhhh!** ... **(*Massive crash*)** What happened? **Well, I’m free of the snow bank.** But you kept your foot on the gas pedal and you crashed into your in-law’s house? **Yep.** And it’s on fire? **You know it.** Well, at least you can get a better car and are no longer invited to holiday dinners! **Wait a second!** ## More From The Drive - **Here's how to actually [drive in snow]()** - **Here's why you need a [kinetic energy recovery rope]()** - **Maxtrax also work really well in snow** - **As do [winter tires]()...** ## Author Jonathon is the former Managing Editor for Commerce at The Drive and has been writing about cars and motorcycles for over a decade, but he's been known to scribble pretty things about adoption, tattoos, life, gear, adventures, food, technology, nature, and more. ### Author social links [Instagram]()