This Cadillac Allanté Giveaway Is Proof American Apparel Is Bankrupt

Sadder than spotting a guy wearing “unisex” jeans.

After months of declining sales—gold lamé, not here to stay—American Apparel has announced that it is filing for bankruptcy. Expensive litigation in ousting the company’s louche founder, Dov Charney, and the high costs of manufacturing in Los Angeles have forced a Hail Mary pass. (Or what panicked sweatshirt purveyors call a “restructuring.”)

Yesterday, members of AmAp’s email list received news about a social media-hosted Halloween costume contest involving one 1987 Cadillac Allanté, a droptop inhabiting many a used car lots with a price of around eight grand. The subject line—“Win this ‘87 Cadillac Allanté!”—revived a phrase not heard since 1986 tapings of The Price Is Right.

By uploading a picture of an American Apparel-sourced Halloween costume to social media,  tagging the post “#aaHalloween” and being a thin woman, anybody is eligible to win this historically unloved Cadillac convertible. At 29-years old, it’s by far the oldest object of lust the company has ever proffered.

Courtesy American Apparel

Is this pure hipster nonsense? The highest expression of American Apparel’s tacky-sexy L.A. vibe? Maybe a wheeled platform for models in leopard-print catsuits (e.g., an expansive recreational drug surface) is what the Allanté was always meant to be. You can’t argue with the visuals. That Pininfarina-designed shape is a compelling backdrop for the organic female curves AA is (in)famous for showcasing. The beefsteak-red interior, for its part, looks comfortable, and the switchgear will be familiar to anyone who grew up in a Nineties GM car. In silver and with only 32,000 miles, this is a very winsome Allanté. You know, in the same way that, from some angles, the Kool-Aid man is only medium-fat.  

Still, the fact remains that a major international brand is offering what amounts to an $8,000 grand prize. To state, that is no grand prize: that is a door prize. The Cadillac Allanté Contest by American Apparel—or CACAA—is a front-wheel drive buoy thrown from a sinking ship.

People of America, do not squeeze your parts into a jumpsuit and submit to a corporately-suggested hashtag. Honestly, if you want a Cadillac Allanté, just buy one.