Street Meat: Five Food Trucks We’d Love to See Happen

A 6x6 roach coach? Hell yes.

Call them the hipster nonsense. Call them the new diners. Call them an American fast food renaissance or a travesty, wheels and all. Your opinion matters not: Food trucks are around, and on average, pretty damn tasty. Back in college, Thursday through Monday nights, a grilled cheese truck sat two blocks from my freshman dorm, serving hot, carb-cosseted cheese to kids in various states of inebriation and undress. The punny name, The Whey Station, always bothered me—whey is a byproduct of cheese, so the Whey Station to my knowledge never actually served any whey. But then, any linguistic quibbles melted like Munster as I wrangled a Monger—fives cheeses, plus prosciutto—into my mouth.

Those fond memories have me thinking: what otherwise civilian vehicles might make similarly pleasurable little food trucks?

Mercedes-Benz G63 AMG 6X6

As any small-business owner knows, visibility and location are necessary to drum up business. To state the nakedly obvious, the G63 is a six-wheeled, 536-horsepower, reconstituted Austrian military vehicle available in bright yellow. Any attention there is to have, is yours. Portal axles and off-road tires mean that when scouting locations, your limitations are only traffic laws. To whomever runs with this idea and opens the Bratwurst Benz: We would like our sausage comped.

Range Rover SVAutobiography Long Wheelbase

Sometimes, you find yourself in a manicured park, slightly tipsy on rosé, gazing at three wheels of brie, triple-cream. Mitsy brought a silver knife, Bitsy, some folded napkins, but damned if Donny didn’t forget the crackers. Picture this: Land Rover’s ultimate Rangie, motoring over the hill and into sight, packed to the aluminum gills with picnic supplies. Tiny spoons, fresh baguettes, a thimble of jam, a tin of fine sardines? The proprietor would have to charge mightily to recoup his £156,000 investment, but then again, drunk picnickers aren’t known to be frugal.

Ford F-150 Raptor

The mighty Raptor, returning this fall with a 450-horsepower EcoBoost six-cylinder, a 10-speed transmission and an even more butch body. Amid vitriolic politics, income inequality and trigger-happy citizens, sometimes it seems like the Raptor is the best thing America has going for it. We’d load up the bed with a couple grills and serve char-broiled burgers out the back. To do our part to stem inflation, the burgers would be $4; a chance to sit in the cab, only $2.

Mazda CX-3

The CX-3: a little champion in its odd segment. It’s handsome, tidy and fun to drive. Now that Volkswagen buses are collector items, we think the little Mazda hatch would make a righteous surf wagon. To play off that beachy vibe, why not fill the trunk with a slushy machine? You could go organic, court the vegans and spend days happily tooting around leaving a wake of smiles and blue teeth.

GMC Sierra 4500HD

With the diesel engine, GMC’s 4500HD can tow 23,200 lbs. Why not pull around your own goddamned diner? Watery coffee and eggs sunny-side up, all enhanced with diesel perfumery.