The Twofer: Transylvanian Couture Edition

A French T-shirt with bloody fangs and a Buick from the underworld.

Mr. Porter

In the words of Tracy Jordan: Werewolf Bar Mitzvah, spooky, scary/Boys becoming men, men becoming wolves! It’s that time of the season, people. A time of changes natural and otherwise—an exceedingly spooky time. In late October, even denizens of a cynical town like New York sleep with a nightlight. Maybe the Chrysler Building really is a ghost-funneling spiritual superstructure. Mayor Bill de Blasio, in silhouette, bears a passing resemblance to Frankenstein. Good lord—everything’s gone ghoulish.

Might as well join ‘em. Fangs make it difficult to drink much aside from your peers’ vital fluids and adds undue danger to a kiss. We anticipate you’ll be sipping punch and getting amorous come Halloween, so how about this fangtastic (!) Yves Saint Laurent Blood Lustre T-shirt: delivering the same bloodthirsty vibe without the hassle? Sure, it’s expensive, but a high-durability cotton weave means you can repurpose this garment for everyday use once you’ve retaken human form.

Ebay

“Hearse” has such heavy connotations. Death, mourning, gothic cemeteries, the occult. Think of them as especially luxurious station wagons with unfortunately dark pasts. Yet like the naive homeowners seduced by the low price of that big house on the corner, blithely unaware of its murdery past, you’re bound to get one Hell of a deal! This pristine, mostly restored Buick LeSabre estate has 61,000 miles and a luscious velour interior in, um, rich maroon? Pay no heed to the somewhat bloody interior and snag this funeral cart for pennies. It will surely attract the right crowd.