You Should Totally Buy a Volkswagen Golf R Right Now

Opportunism at its fastest.

Volkswagen

There have been three named victims of Volkswagen’s diesel scandal. The customers, those diesel devotees, betrayed and left with devalued cars. The environment, damaged by particulate-spewing TDI emission dodgers. And, of course, the company, groaning under the weight of tens of billions of fines and possible repair costs. Except there’s a dark horse here, too, and she’s mighty lame: Volkswagen's own dealers, a group poised to experience the most immediate damage.

A stop-sale on all 2-liter diesel models means some dealers are left with a quarter of their hottest-selling inventory rotting on the lot. Bleakly, Volkswagen has withdrawn their bid for 2016 EPA certification of 2-liter diesel models. Furthermore, local dealers are set to bear the brunt of consumer rage—it’s easier to have a sharp word with Dean the service manager than fly to Wolfsburg.

What is corporate headquarters doing to ease the pain of its American dealers, hundreds of whom sell only Volkswagens? The company has promised dealerships all quarterly incentives, even absent sales, and is floating dealers cold cash in the form of “discretionary funds.” Larger dealers, while not allowing exact numbers, are expected to receive tens of thousands of dollars.

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And incentives are thick on the ground. Many dealers are offering $2,000 in “owner loyalty” credit to current Volkswagen owners; a few, $2,500. Some are waving $500 VISA debit cards; others are offering 125% of NADA value on trade-ins, no questions asked. Zero percent APR financing abounds. Wait until the last week of this month, and we’d be surprised if many cars weren’t available for $500 over invoice.

Which is why you should totally go buy something tasty and petrol-powered right now.

Unlike most promotions, this flurry doesn’t exclude Volkswagen’s premium fare. So the Golf R is eligible for most deals. You know, the one with 292 freakin’ horsepower and a manual gearbox. The one that does 0-60 mph in 4.5 seconds and is all-wheel drive but still oversteers like crazy. That one. Passive schadenfreude is a cheap emotion; why not do something to help keep innocent dealerships in the black? It’s one of the only times buying a 300 horsepower hatchback for cheap is going to feel downright altruistic.