We’ll See a Chicago Cubs World Series Win Before a Turbo BRZ

Is this real life?

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The Chicago Cubs, the least successful baseball franchise in history, beat the St. Louis Cardinals in the MLB playoffs last night. In doing so, they move on to the NLCS, facing either the Dodgers or Mets, eight wins away from a World Series title—the team's first since 1908. Which, like a lot of things, got me thinking about Japanese sports cars.

Cheap, underpowered, rear-drive Japanese sports cars. I love ‘em. You probably do, too. Wheezing Nissan 240SX hatchback? Bring it. Glacial first-gen Toyota MR2? Hell yes. Hucking cheap Nippon metal around is a treat, and the Subaru BRZ upholds that tradition today. It’s a fine thing, if maybe lacking a bit of soul.

Subaru

But I like overpowered ones, too. Lexus RC F, big ol’ honking V-8 out front; Nismo GT-R, enough grip to rearrange your facial features. I’m into it. So, like most of you, I want a turbocharged Subaru BRZ. I want one because I want the option to want one. I want one because Subie turbo engines are gruff and ballsy and great, compact little flat-four sledgehammers. We’ve been waiting for a BRZ STI since the base model dropped three years ago. But that’s nothing.

‘“No,” a Subaru spokesperson told me, “there will not be a turbo BRZ before the The Cubs win the World Series. They’re pretty good this year.”

Subaru

Curses. Calamities. Bartman. The Cubs have cocked it up a million ways, a million times, archetypal loveable loser to a tee. Seriously, the relentless, soul-sucking onslaught of abuse this fanbase has endured is unreal. But they’ve got more character for it, and the finest souls are those that have the most variety. Good luck, Cubbies. Maybe I’ll see a turbo Subaru next year.