Who Should Appear on Comedians In Cars Getting Coffee?

Jerry Seinfeld’s guests for the upcoming season are good, but we have some other suggestions.

Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee Guests
Sony Pictures Television

It seems like just yesterday Jerry Seinfeld’s Comedians In Cars Getting Coffee kicked off to great fanfare. Well, more like it kicked off to mild bewilderment. ("So they just drive around...and get coffee? On the internet?") But for seven seasons we’ve ridden along in unique and incredible rides as Seinfeld and various comedy legends (and the occasional President of the United States) chat about their craft, and their lives. It’s a great show for a number of reasons, but mainly because it manages to work regardless of why you clicked through in the first place. Come for the cars, stay for the comedy. Or vice versa.

On June 16th, season eight will hit the Internet (and Crackle). On deck to sit shotgun are Saturday Night Live’s Lorne Michaels, John Oliver, Jim Gaffigan, Judd Apatow, JB Smoove, and Margaret Cho. Not a bad little crew, though we’ve got some future recommendations for other funny faces—and the perfect corresponding chariots—that we’d love to see.

Nick Offerman in a Morgan Plus 8

Morgan

Offerman shares a number of traits with the dry-witted, sarcastic, meat-crazed Ron Swanson from Parks and Recreation, but the most interesting is that both men are fantastic woodworkers. Offerman has a full woodworking studio at his home in Los Angeles, where he produces masterfully crafted tables, bureaus, even canoes. The perfect car for Offerman would be the Cedar Rocket, a giant piece of cedar with (non-functioning) rockets affixed, but that’s a one-seater, so the next-best bet would be a hand-crafted, wooden frame Morgan Plus 8.

Adam Sandler in a Chevelle SS

Chevrolet

The Chevelle SS is powerful, loud, unapologetic, and was better early in life but still is a respectable and commanding machine. Sounds similar to Sandler and his comedy career. Before he started cranking out the dreck like Grown Ups, Sandler was a genuinely formidable comedic force, and we’d love to hear about those days. Plus, Sandler could probably whip up a goofy ditty about the SS on the fly, in the vein of “Lunchlady Land,” “Chanukah Song,” or “Operaman.”

Donald Trump in a Lamborghini Diablo VT

Michael Digonis

Before your ire mounts and you take to the comments to shriek that Trump isn’t a comic, a few preemptive counterpoints that may give you pause. First, have you heard the man speak? Dude’s rhetoric is genuinely laughable. Second, Seinfeld can lay waste to anyone he doesn’t particularly care for. Case in point: his appearance on the premiere of Watch What Happens Live. He’d have a fun time holding Drumpf’s feet (or perhaps those tiny and stubby fingers) to the fire. Also, it would be great to see Seinfeld procure the actual Diablo VT Trump once owned, and then ask him to drive it. Odds are Trump is not a capable wheelman. Let’s watch him make America’s roads worse.

The Guy Behind ‘Seinfeld Current Day’ Twitter in a Ferrari 360 Modena

Wikimedia Commons

For the uninitiated, some Twitter hero posits what life would be like were "Seinfeld" around today. (The misspellings make it all the better.) Thus, would be grate to see Jery get a Farari Moderna then pick up Twiter guy to go for ride to talk about comedy on social meedya.

Jery: Wats the deal with ur twiter?

Seinfeld200: Why u no like? You have ipad yet?

Amy Poehler in a Volkswagen Thing

Gooding & Co

Poehler has a seriously infectious laugh, and knowing that Seinfeld could easily induce it would leave us in stitches. While the ideal car for Poehler would be a Fiat 600 Jolly, sadly, Seinfeld already used that adorable Italian motorized wicker go-kart on an episode with Louie C.K. The next best bet would be a VW Thing, but not one of the drab, utilitarian ones. It would have to be one of the Acapulco Resort editions. Can’t you just picture Poehler giggling up a storm in that beauty?

Jeffrey Ross in a Vintage Weinermobile

AP Photo/Carlos Osorio

The Roastmaster General has made a career out of lambasting all manner of celebrities as the de facto host of the Comedy Central "Roast Of..." specials. And then there was his (sadly) short-lived show, The Burn, a series of his “Too soon?” zingers elongated into 22-minute episodes. He’s a total dick, but such a lovable one. Ergo, an old school Weinermobile would be fitting.

Abbi Jacobson and Ilana Glazer in a Checker Taxi

Bilgin S. Sasmaz/Anadolu Agency/Getty Images

The hilarious duo behind Broad City are responsible for giving us a fun, fresh view on twenty-somethings trying to survive and thrive in New York City, despite the typical millennial myopia. Seinfeld opting for a vintage Checker in a NYC livery seems appropriate for Jacobson and Glazer. It’s not a stretch to picture them bopping around in one of these iconic sedans during an episode of their show, having acquired it in some peculiar manner, likely while intoxicated. They’d either hotbox it or live in it for a week before forgetting where they parked it.