2016 Presidential Campaign Special: GOP Candidate Spirit Cars

Yes, Donald Trump is a Dodge Viper.

Officially, there are 14 Republican Party presidential candidates. Jim Gilmore’s 404 page just about sums up his shot at winning, but Jeb Bush, Ted Cruz and, of course, Donald Trump are all still very real possibilities. Note: We at The Drive are not political creatures. But we are citizens of the world and car enthusiasts (and occasionally satirists), so we decided to match His Hairness, et al., with their spirit cars.

What, you might ask, is a “spirit car”? Well, it’s like a person’s spirit animal, except that it has four wheels and some sort of engine. It is a machine that best typifies the traits and quirks of a person, group of people, or New Jersey. Also: Republican presidential candidates.

For the sake of our sanity, we’re limiting this to just the major candidates, defined as those who have been listed in at least five major independent nationwide polls. Though that still leaves us with…

Donald Trump: Dodge Viper
ROBYN BECK/AFP/Getty Images/Dodge

Loud, crude, and rude, the Dodge Viper is pure, unmolested, all-American id. You either love it or you hate it—there’s nothing in between.

Ted Cruz: Chevrolet Camaro SS
Richard Ellis/Getty Images/Chevrolet

Much like Ted Cruz, the Chevy Camaro is made in Canada, but you’d never know it. It’s also broad-faced, and really popular in the South.

Jeb Bush: Ford Explorer
David Becker/Getty Images/Ford

A reliable nameplate everybody knows and is familiar with, the Ford Explorer would get the job done just fine. But you just can’t help but feel there are more exciting options out there.

Ben Carson: Honda Insight
Justin Sullivan/Getty Images/Honda

Squinty-eyed and giving off the sense that it just woke up, the Honda Insight seems like a smart choice at first glance. Once you start paying attention, though...

Marco Rubio: Chevrolet Colorado
Andrew Burton/Getty Images/Chevrolet

Fresh-faced and new to the scene, the Chevrolet Colorado is a revamped and refreshed version of an establishment staple—the pickup truck. It’s tidy and compact. And a little bit thirsty.

Rand Paul: Mini Countryman
Mike Stone/Getty Images

A recent development from a name that’s known to be a little out there, the Mini Countryman—part compact, part SUV—brings together groups that don’t often find themselves united. Has a strong fan base, though they’re not as pure as those who like the original version of the brand.

Carly Fiorina: Lexus NX 200t
FREDERIC J BROWN/AFP/Getty Images/Lexus

Lean, sharp-featured and expensive, the Lexus NX 200t is a recent entry to the SUV world that’s hot these days. On the surface, it stands out from the rest of the field. Dig deeper, though, and it’s pretty conventional for its category.

John Kasich: Chevrolet Impala
Ty Wright/Getty Images/Chevrolet

Reliable and straight-forward, the Chevrolet Impala is pretty conservative, but a lot less than you might think. Surprisingly appealing, if only because all the other cars in its class are so bad.

Chris Christie: Dodge Challenger R/T
Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images/Dodge

Straight-forward, exceedingly entertaining and a bit rude, the Challenger also happens to be a bit more portly than its competitors. Used to be popular among a wider audience, but it’s still fairly well-liked in New Jersey.

Mike Huckabee: Honda Odyssey Touring Elite w/HondaVac
Justin Sullivan/Getty Images/Honda

The Honda Odyssey, like many minivans, is a popular choice among the extremely religious (who often have large families). The Odyssey’s grown quite a bit in size over the years. And when equipped with the built-in vacuum cleaner, the Odyssey is also renowned for how much it can suck.